wow.

I was having a good day, until I did something that I KNEW wasn't going to have good results, and I was right. But I didn't realize it would hurt like that. I thought that had passed. I knew it would happen sooner or later, and I know I did this to myself. But I feel like my world fell apart all over again. I cried like I did the day I realized it was over for good. I've never in my life felt so empty. So lost. I did end up realizing that my relationship with God wasn't where it needed to be though. Some good came from that horribly low moment in my life. But tonight it felt like everything fell apart all over again. They say each time you get your heart broken, it hurts more. I think its true, and I have a theory as to why. The first time, you fall for someone not knowing what to expect. Its all new and exciting. It still hurts when it ends, because thats a part of your life, a moment you'll never get back. Your first love. Then, your heart heals, except for the small part of it you had given away the first time. So the next time around, you're a little more cautious, you take things a little slower. You've put up a little wall..a fence, maybe. You let someone in, and they tear down that little fence. Then you get hurt again. So the next time around, you put up a bigger wall, one thats harder to get through. But sooner or later someone comes along that can get th rough that wall too. Each time, it hurts more because you have to put up a bigger barrier, an d eventually no one can get to your heart. More tomorrow.

A new start

Lately I've been journaling a lot, and I realized that I'd forgotten how much I loved it. So I figured, why not make use of the technology offered to me and take my journaling online. I'm an extremely private person, to a fault. I keep to many things to myself, and it doesn't get me anywhere. So what better way to get over that than to get everything (probably not EVERYTHING) out where the world can see it? I'm THINKING this might be just what I need. Writing has always been a therapy for me, but I stopped for a long time and have just recently rediscovered my favorite pastime. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, either. The weather is going to turn cold before we know it, and I won't be able to go for my long walks. I need an outlet for my thoughts, and I'm a writer not a talker. So enjoy, or don't. More to come!